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| the nice thing about xanga, is no one really reads it anymore. i need to vent, but i don't want to hear what anyone has to say in response so DONT COMMENT
im frustrated about the fact that when something bothers me, it just bothers me. "dropping it" to me is like pretending its not there. and when im told to drop it so u can sleep cos ur really tired doesnt help. and when its bugging me like hell and u ask me in a really frustrated tone "whats wrong now" it doesn't help me either. i know small things bug me but its only because i care, and because its something that i really wanted. if it didn't bug me then it would've just meant i dont care and i didn't really want it in the first place. why can't u understand it. i get difficult and it takes me forever to get over something but if its not something that i really wanted, then it would've never bothered me in the first place.
but if thats how u want things between us to be, i can drop almost anything. and then it will always be my problem and never urs, u would never have to deal with me again, and get frustrated at me for being sad. maybe i'll be a little fake but it might be the best. because i really can't drop things like u would think i can
and sometimes the way that things seem, make it so clear that things in the future might not work out no matter how hard we try
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| today i feel kindda down, been thinking, mayb in a bit of an emo way. but whatever
so, when u go study abroad, for the first time in ur life, u realize that u live life on ur own, not like you and ur fam, u and ur bf, but more like just you.
it sucks
cos it feels dry, boring, lonely, whatever. you may be busy 24/7. but it doesn't mean u don't feel bored. its not the boredom of the moment, but more like boredom of living a life. you may be doing what you enjoy, what you truly wanted, but you can still be bored... especially during a time when theres no one who loves you around you, or no one you love around you. honestly! no one really gives a shit about each other.
im frustrated
i needed someone to talk to, and i wanted you to understand me
i hate calling, cos its frustrating... especially when you call and the expected happens.
1) no one picks up
2) gotta hang up for phone bill
3) with friends, cant talk
great, when you need someone to talk to, the last thing u need is to be rushed to finish. do you REALLY know what i'm talking about? were you REALLY listening? or were you just worried that your friends would head out/eat/whatever without u?
sure you were listening
kinda
sure you know what im talking about
kinda
i need time and patience and someone to understand me, not a venting machine that has a time limit of some sort.
and its not even like anyone would do, because i just want you to understand me, but now i feel like i shouldn't have even tried. should've just stuck with the how was your day? i did blah blah blah.... kindda shit and end the covo within 10 minutes. then i wouldn't feel like shittier than i did before.
some times i just need you,
and sure, youre there
kindda.
im just frustrated, and need somewhere to let out my thoughts, cos u were buzy today, with ur friends snowboarding.
dont ask me about this, dont be mad about this, i just had to vent this out somehow....
but i still love you
otherwise, i would have found someone else to talk to, instead of my old xanga page that hopefully no one will read, nor ask me about.
good night
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| fuck life sucks. but i dont wish i had a different one either | | |
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